"To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever."
Never has my heart sunk faster, or beat stronger, or rejoiced more than it did between 5:28 and 5:30p.m. yesterday afternoon. How can all of these things happen at once? How can you be scared, and sad, and shocked and grateful and fearful all at the same time? I couldn't have answered that question until, well probably this very moment as the fog is lifting and my head is just beginning to cipher through the million emotions I went through hearing that my son, only minutes before had been given the Heimlich maneuver by the one person in this world whose love for my son can compete with mine and Thomas' love for him, his Lolli.
Yesterday morning at 8:15 when I arrived at work and unloaded my lunch into the refrigerator, put my coke down on my desk and went to get my cell phone out of my purse, I felt annoyed. I forgot my cell phone. Seriously, not usually a big deal, just an inconvenience. Little did I know that the Lord had seen the events to occur a mere 9 hours later and orchestrated that little annoyance to possibly save me from the torment of what was to come.
5:00 came like it does most days. I was leaving my office headed home, listening to Dave Ramsey, completely oblivious to the fact that my son, during those very moments, had choked on an animal cracker (a cracker whose consumption has become a ritual around 5:00 everyday for my sweet Malachi.) It's usually around 5:00p.m. that Malachi goes into Lolli's office, goes around her desk and looks for the large jar of cookies and patiently (sometimes) asks for a "kiki." And, as he stood less than a foot away from his Lolli, he took one tiny bite (unlike most times when he shoves it ALL in his mouth) and choked on the foot of what appeared to be a zebra upon further inspection. Not even the WHOLE foot...just a little tip off of the foot. He choked, right there with 4 teachers and the second most important woman in his life looking on. This is where my emotions come in. You see, it was then that Lolli saved his life by administering the Heimlich maneuver as she has been taught, and re-taught how to do at her yearly CPR/First Aid certification. The only difference is, she's never had to do it on her own flesh and blood. You see, God knew why I needed to leave my cell phone at home. I can't imagine having been in rush hour traffic knowing that my son wasn't breathing and that an ambulance was rushing to his aide while my mother saved his life. True, it couldn't have lasted more than 2 minutes, though to everyone involved it seemed like an eternity. But, for those two minutes, my world was crashing down and I didn't even know it.
I walked in completely oblivious that anything had happened to my beautiful babe. I walked in to see my mother sitting where she almost always does. In her rocking chair out in the lobby with my sweet boy in her lap. However, this day was unlike any other as when I walked in, the first words I heard were "He just choked." Initially I didn't think anything of it until I saw the faces of those around him and me telling me it wasn't just a little coughing fit. It was all I could do to keep it together long enough to scoop him up into my arms and take the 5 steps to the office so that I could lose it behind closed doors. And lose it, I did. All while my baby boy walked around Lolli's desk saying "kiki?" "kiki?" And, lost it I have a few more times since then. And, lose it a few more times, I probably will! (Wow - that's coming across really Yoda-ish isn't it? Go ahead...re-read it, you'll get it if you've even seen part of one of the Star Wars movies! Sorry, I deal with a lot of things with humor...part of God's grace I suppose!)
And, as I laid beside him last night, and patted his little bottom after putting him in his crib, and laid on the floor just listening to the glorious sound of a deep breathing, beautiful 16 month old angel, I could only think one thing. God, he's Yours. He's ALL Yours. I am nothing but a caretaker of this precious soul with which you have entrusted me. Me! A fallen, sinful, prideful woman. A woman who could not be more thankful for that role. Lord...I will no longer purport to be anything more than a blessed woman with whom God has given much. And I know that to whom much is given, much is required. I pray that I can fulfill all that is required of me as a mother to this incredible boy. I pray for humility to know that without you, I can do NOTHING. I can BE nothing. Lord - you haven't given me much. You have given me everything. Therefore, the best I can do is give you everything and HOPE that my everything can be enough to thank you for the blessings you given me. I know it never will.
I thank you for my son. I thank you for your son. I thank you for my mother, my son's angel. Who knew that Lolli would one day save my son's life? Only You - the ONLY other that can save my son's life. I thank you for her saving grace and, more importantly, I thank you for YOUR saving grace.
I will TRULY give thanks unto you forever, O My God.
